Discarded by narcissist | Narcissistic triangulation | battered men

Discarded by narcissist | Narcissistic triangulation | battered men

What is narcissistic triangulation in narcissism?

The purplexity and torture when you are being discarded by a narcissist is still mind-blowing to me.  Narcissistic triangulation involves three people with indirect behavior and communication that form a vicious triangle of subtle abusers.

In my experience, I had the pleasure of being stuck in the triangle as a victim to my daughter’s childcare.  Keep in mind that I had no idea that our child’s other half was being malicious, it didn’t even cross my mind.  In fact, I didn’t even know what a Narcissist actually was at this point

Becoming discarded by a Narcissist begins with a plan: one person will attack, belittle, abuse and more with the help of an extra party.  A narcissistic drama triangle can happen to anybody without them actually knowing about it.  

The third-party can knowingly, or unknowingly join in on the abusive narcissist’s strategic bullying.  It is much worse when they know they are only a puppet at the hands of a twisted narcissistic family structure.

The narcissist’s tool of madness – triangulation – is a severe mode of alienating people from others that they love.

– Learning mind

Triangulation is like driving a wedge between people. This can be done by a narcissistic parent or narcissistic anything. It could be your lover, your spouse, your friend, your boss, your coworker, your neighbour, your grandparent or even the grandparent of your kids.

Medium / Inner Integration

Narcissist triangulation will portray the abuser as the victim

Gaslighting parents enjoy using toxic triangulation as a manipulation tactic that allows for the control of multiple people. 

An extremely delusional, dangerous, and sadistic mind game for a narcissist’s own pleasure.  Obviously, they must have people fight for their, “approval” as every day of their life relies on constant admiration.  

It’s not easy, but you have to understand that people with a personality disorder such as NPD will not change.  They all have the same narcissistic abuse cycle so stop wasting your time. 

It took me a couple of years to understand how to deal with a narcissist the safest way possible.

narcissistic triangulation

Family roles in the narcissism triangulation

In a toxic narcissist triangulation, there are common family roles that are given out with narcissist parenting 

More often than not, the person chosen to be the scapegoat is the most empathetic one in the family.  

discarded by narcissist



Because being the most caring and empathetic person in the family reminds the Narcissist exactly of themselves. 

Nobody listened to them either.

A family scapegoat is the one that will call the narcissistic parent out on their abusive acts and understands how to crush a narcissist.  Ultimately, this sets them apart from all the sheep in the family that follow the lead of the Narcissist.

triangulation narcissist creates scapegoat

Triangulation and narcissistic mother syndrome

Bullying the bully, because everybody else is afraid to say a word against the boss.

Everybody in this dysfunctional family triangulation knows that stepping up to the Narcissist is a big no-no, and the scapegoat will be discarded by narcissist and grow into their adulthood believing they are always to blame. 

This causes years of mental abuse leading to destructive relationships as grown-ups from constantly being walked all over by people thinking it is normal.

golden child avoids being discarded by narcissist

a narcissistic golden child will take great pleasure in supporting a Narcissist in destroying the family scapegoat child’s confidence and self-esteem.


because unlike the former family scapegoat, a golden child has the delusional personality of the Narcissist.  Nobody knows why there is a vast difference in personalities in the toxic triangulation.

Personally, I believe this is because the golden child is taught to be entitled as this will give them rewards.

On the other hand, the family scapegoat child was able to see the fake mask above everything else.  This can be common when a parent is separated from the Narcissist but shows positive emotions during their parenting time.

Empathy, love.  The one that got away.

It may seem that the golden child has a great childhood regardless of the toxic family triangulation, but the damage to their adult life statistically proves much different.

With that being said, an abuser won’t let their narcissistic supply addiction go so easy

golden child syndrome

narcissistic triangulation with golden child syndrome

It is known that the effects of being raised by a narcissistic parent can prove to be mentally damaging in many ways:

  1. Failing to understand the importance of boundaries in relationships
  2. Constant searching for external approval in order to feel confident
  3. Thinking that the only way to gain other people’s approval and love is by meeting their demands, no matter how high.
  4. Post-traumatic stress disorder
  5. High risk of becoming a narcissist as their parents
  6. Opposed to an extreme need for affection
  7. Poor decision-making skills
  8. Difficulty in understanding what is good or bad; positive or negative
  9. Fear of failures

They might find out who is the true abuser, but don’t count on it.  The only thing you can count on is when the third party in the toxic triangulation becomes discarded by narcissist.

Narcissistic family dynamics remain the same because survivors of narcissistic partners know that you will never be able to fill the void of “good enough” to a delusional parent.

Toxic triangulation with flying monkeys

In my situation, I was abused by our daughter’s old childcare while a professional manipulator stood back and let them do the dirty work which they were perhaps knowingly, or unknowingly doing.

It all depends on how you look at it,  personality disorders seem to roll together like a cult.  Be aware if you see sociopath traits.

I began seeing a lot of covert narcissist traits traits around me.  I was confused about how we started on such great terms…I found out they were only stringing me along with their reference letters: 

triangulation narcissist
Reference letter #1

triangulation narcissism and discarded by narcissist ex

triangulation discard by narcissist 

This love-bomb stage did not last long as my daughter had marks on her after picking her up several times.  The daycare protected the Mother and said these marks are from her playing with other children. 

I immediately requested injury reports and my daughter’s file, but they would give me old and fake documents.

triangulation book


I served them with court papers to get the documents.  This turned them into the people they really were.  They call the Ministry on me claiming I “hit” London, I smelt like weed and alcohol, and I am not able to care for the child properly. 

Narcissistic abuse syndrome was hitting me hard at this point. 

The destructive Sociopath traits were starting to make sense.

Malicious false accusations to push me out of the picture, all as a narcissistic Mother stands back with a smile.  I quickly do a visit with the Ministry and close the file.

narcissistic triangulation social worker letter

They weren’t happy I was back so quick, but I was not happy about the bad image painted of me.  I started recording their abuse and disrespect in front of children. 

Talking bad about me to my child, not including her in activities, and even workers napping during nap time.  I recorded all of this and shamed them on social media.  A judge scolded my actions.

narcissistic triangulation family court order

Now that the flying monkeys of my ex-spouse have caused damage, she decides to let me know that I am not allowed at the daycare anymore.

Attempting to push me out of the picture with clever parental alienation, and even making her own rules disregarding our court order.   

Yup, a professional at how to triangulate without a sweat.

narcissistic triangulation email from ex spouse

Unfortunately for these ladies, I would be showing up for my daughter every time.  My daughter expects me to come regardless of being discarded by narcissist.

I wasn’t buying her new rules.

narcissistic triangulation letter to ex spouse

Obviously, I knew the games that were being played on our daughter.  I also knew that they didn’t want to see my face too much longer.  However, that wasn’t my problem.


Breaking free from the toxic narcissistic triangulation while discarded by narcissist

We were kicked out of the daycare and my daughter’s bright smile at her new daycare is what made it all worth it.  triangulation in narcissism is extremely dangerous.  

A life saving gray rock method from this point on kept me sane but a long journey for narcissistic abuse recovery was ahead of me

Thankfully, my plan worked

A Narcissist can manipulate anybody into believing their lies. My daughter didn’t have her diaper changed all day when I went to pick her up, and they also made numerous false allegations to keep me from her. 

I inflicted narcissistic injury, but that quickly put me back to another battle down the road

triangulation book

Key Characters Of Triangulation

First described by Dr. Stephen Karpman in the late 1960’s, the Drama Triangle roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer, and their interplay vividly describe the most common strategies human beings use to manage their fear and anxiety.


In any relationship that a Narcissist is in, it is inevitable that the vicious triangle will always form. The unfortunate defense mechanism that comes from a bitter childhood of not being “good enough” to their parent(s)

narcissist triangulation

The Victim

  • Unfortunately, a Narcissist can’t mentally process themselves to change their outlook on people, so their delusional state of mind will always play the victim. They insist they don’t deserve all the awful things that life and people have done to them.

The Persecutor

  • someone who is consistently after people to harm and destroy them. In a Narcissist’s world, this is the former spouse. I am positive you have had the unfortunate experience of seeing the narcissistic rage in court on you for no apparent reason.

The Rescuer

  • believes that they are the superhero, and nobody can survive without them. Generally, this is the new partner of the Narcissist that has discarded you long before you realized it.

You weren’t providing enough fuel or meeting their needs so they quietly, “grabbed a new branch” before letting you go.

They are unknowingly helping the demon, but will be discarded and left helpless just like you and every other person before you. It is sad that the battered meaning is something that people will never understand.

The Real Narcissistic Triangulation

Finally, in the real world, we know that the former spouse of the Narcissist is the true victim, and the persecutor is the malicious Mother or Father.

It’s important to note that sometimes the children can be the rescuer in their delusional world.  With that being said, victims of narcissistic abuse symptoms vary for everybody. 

Narcissist Parenting takes a lot out of you, and I hope you have the strength to keep your children out of it.  You can only blame yourself for another cycle of abuse passed down in your family tree 

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