December 14, 2019

Narcissistic Mother | Emotional and controlling parent

What is narcissistic Mother Syndrome?

A narcissistic parent is somebody that has a narcissistic personality disorder, and possessively close to their children in the most damaging ways you can possibly think of.

Control becomes much more apparent to children when the Father has already been ousted out, but in the public eye nobody would ever expect narcissism to be in such a “great person”.

Children only know a narcissistic Mother to be doing things the right way.  Often at young ages, it is very easy for a child to follow in her footsteps as narcissistic children.

With that being said, only a few will be able to break the emotional manipulation and not become a victim to the treacherous personality disorder themselves.

I find it hard to sympathize with a Father that left his children because “she was crazy” when I’m on the battlefield protecting my daughter every day.

There has to be somebody to teach them a healthy mindset because each and every hour away from the abusive Mother is critical for their mental health for the rest of their lives.


“What toxic parents all have in common is their inability to provide their children with a safe, nurturing, and loving environment. If they are narcissistically abusive, they are without empathy and sometimes even conscience. This type of ruthless behavior has a damaging impact on our early development as well as the way we navigate the world as adults.”

Shahida Arabi

“Female narcissists do not grow out of their childhood aggression; eerily enough, they evolve into even more effective aggressive behaviors in adulthood, using their manipulative tactics to serve their selfish agendas and to exploit others.”

Thought Catalog

Narcissistic mother

How to deal with a narcissistic Mother

A major factor in minimizing and ultimately ending the abuse is a ”no contact” with the abuser.  This works great.

How can you be abused if you have no contact with the abuser?

The problem with cutting off communication in a court dispute means you will have to stop seeing your children. Not only stop seeing your children, but they will also be brainwashed against you.

You might not care, but the abandonment only adds to the problem with these disorders in the future. The narcissistic meaning is not easy to understand when trauma emotions are taking the best of you.

The Gray Rock Method has been the best way to protect my child from the subtle abuse caused by a narcissistic mother.

With that being said, narcissistic abuse symptoms vary depending on each situation. Likewise, going no contact is the best way to go if no children are involved. I envy you if you are only protecting yourself from this unfortunate disorder.


Narcissistic mother
Narcissistic Mother or toxic ex-spouse


If your manipulative former spouse suggests to not go through court” I recommend you do not agree to this.

If you are absolutely sure you are dealing with narcissism or any disorder of this level, I highly suggest you do not take this tempting offer.

It’s understandable you want this person to get better. However, people also forget how cold a Narcissist can be.  If you want your child’s mental health to be stable you need to read this vital information.

With that being said, Narcissist parenting is exhausting. However, I am now in a comfortable place to share my experiences of what you should do and absolutely should not do.


What if you don’t have a court agreement?

A family must be completely civil towards each other and have a huge amount of trust in each other if an agreement is not through the court.

This is because:

  • The abuser can move far enough away to alienate you.
  • Completely disappear without police enforcement
  • Start a court order in a different province where you don’t exist
  • If you are a Father: a false allegation can have you arrested much easier as opposed to having an official order. 

The narcissistic mother will go for retroactive child support for any amount, at any time. It is irrelevant to the fact you, ”agreed” to an amount that you paid to her.

The judge could look at that as a ”gift” to them.

Information about your child will be harder to receive as court documents about a child will always be taken into consideration. 

Of course, I will explain further below when it was soon shown to me that court documents won’t even matter in a complex triangulation abuse battle between parents and third parties.


the backlash from the narcissistic Mother

The following things will suddenly happen to purposely throw you off: 

  • You are going to see malicious narcissistic rage at its highest form. How dare you ”make them look bad” or ”get what you want” You can prevent the exaggerated rage by not inflicting narcissistic injury
  • You are going to see the person you once knew, and they might even apologize; a relief that the family can finally put themselves back together

If apologies are thrown your way, throw them right back…in a nice way.  There are never good intentions for you when it comes to a Narcissist unless it benefits them of course.

Narcissistic Mother
I believe that a narcissistic Mother is just who they are now, and you must accept that fact. They are geniuses at what they do, and I back my statement up even more now. Move on

A narcissistic Mother will get their ”fuel” from an ex-spouse with ease in family court. The child at this point is in a dangerous position. You do not want to fall deep into this sadistic trap of ”parent vs parent” circus at family court.


Rise of shared parenting cases in court

It’s a true fact: shared parenting has been the outcome of more family cases as of late. Unfortunately, the genius and hidden narcissistic personality disorder has once again crashed the party

A narcissistic Mother will use a 50/50 shared agreement against you in a million ways. They have perfected subtle parental alienation to cause damage behind the scenes.

I have had every single narcissistic manipulation against me in court. I will start with the most lethal way as it has ruined too many involved parents, and I myself lost parenting time because of the unforgiving “Ex Parte” order.

narcissistic mothers
Click here to learn more about narcissistic mothers, the title says it all

Ex parte order (with or without a court order)

I have been a victim of this malicious order myself.  It is highly abused.  Of course, it will be used by a narcissistic Mother to alienate the other parent as it is a one-sided order that can have you arrested and charged without notice.

These orders by definition are ‘without notice’ orders. This means that your spouse will have no idea that you are going to Court to get an order against them. Many spouses take advantage of this procedure because they know their ex does not know about them and cannot defend against them.

YLaw Blog

You may have this order against you right now.  If you even slightly think you may, don’t contact the ex-spouse.  With that being said, you must protect yourself from being a victim of such an unconstitutional order. 

Here are the most important things to note :

  • Any female can get this order just by showing any sort of ”fear” to a judge.
  • A judge almost always signs this order.  Why? because a narcissistic Mother is a good actor, but how hard can it really be?
  • If you contact the abuser directly or indirectly in any way you will have a warrant out for your arrest. Don’t bother with your proof until you prove your innocence months later, once released.
  • Get a criminal lawyer immediately.


narcissistic MotherFurther narcissistic Mother court trouble

Manipulations, tantrums, and childish acts never end.  You must identify your nightmare as it is the only way to protect yourself from completely losing your mind, and ultimately losing your children.

It is best to just get used to the games that will be played to get a rise out of you.  For example:

  • Showing up to drop off the child late
  • Not showing up with the child at drop off at all
  • Court harassment (excessive applications with short notice)
  • Financial abuse
  • False allegations
  • Child care providers may help alienate you from being involved with your children. 
  • This is where I first learned about the complex narcissistic triangulation.  It was not a happy time for myself or my daughter.
  • Daycare will likely side with the abuser, as they have been brainwashed behind your back for a long time.
  • Child care providers will also not follow court orders, regardless of any court order.  They may abuse your child behind closed doors, just because they can.  A circle of applications is what you will find yourself in, as you quietly are pushed out of the duties for your children.
  • Not answering emails, texts, or any message regarding your children

If you are not receiving a response after two emails, texts, or phone calls then stop and file court papers.  Three or more messages will be turned on you as, ”harassment” and if they have a lawyer they will join in on the bullying.

All these abusive tactics may cause you to wonder how to get narcissist revenge, but it is important you keep your cool. Document everything, and gradually rise to a 50/50 agreement. This will be your time to strike on the abuse, as you will have a footprint as a Father in the system.


Protecting your children when the court is not helping

Everything mentioned I have personally been through.  False allegations resulting in criminal charges, I took a child care provider to court for abuse and neglect, and alienation was attempted on me from all angles.

I made a lot of mistakes on the journey to bring my daughter home, but she is finally home.  After protecting my daughter from all the abusive narcissistic Mother personalities, our bond is so much bigger.

I can finally thank my chosen Narcissist for something.  Just kidding, why would I want to feed the abuse?  I learned a long time ago that my child’s narcissistic Mother will not change. Your female narcissist friend won’t change either.

Patience and understanding of this disorder are crucial for my daughter to learn how to protect herself from her own flesh and blood. 

I was able to do it while she had no voice, and I hope you can take this information and save your children from abuse as well.

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