Nobody prepares you to co parent with somebody that has no empathy.
“What toxic parents all have in common is their inability to provide their children with a safe, nurturing, and loving environment. If they are narcissistically abusive, they are without empathy and sometimes even conscience. This type of ruthless behavior has a damaging impact on our early development as well as the way we navigate the world as adults.”Shahida Arabi
“Female narcissists do not grow out of their childhood aggression; eerily enough, they evolve into even more effective aggressive behaviors in adulthood, using their manipulative tactics to serve their selfish agendas and to exploit others.”Thought Catalog
Dealing with a narcissistic Mother
A major factor in minimizing and ultimately ending the abuse is a ”no contact” with the abuser. This works great.
How can you be abused if you have no contact with the abuser?
The problem with cutting off communication in a court dispute means you will have to stop seeing your children. Not only stop seeing your children, they will be brainwashed against you.
You might not care, but the abandonment only adds to the problem with these disorders in the future. The narcissistic meaning is not easy to understand when emotions are taking the best of you.
For three years a narcissistic Mother has been using our child against me, and I did not find help with this anywhere on the internet. However, the Gray Rock Method has been the best way to protect my child from the subtle abuse.
With that being said, narcissistic abuse symptoms vary depending on each situation. Likewise, going no contact is the best way to go if no children are involved. I envy you if you are only protecting yourself from this unfortunate disorder.
Understanding the difference between Sociopath VS Psychopath is key to staying positive. With that being said, you could be dealing with a narcissistic Sociopath, and that is a disaster for everybody involved.
You might be searching for help as well so I will show you straightforward tactics that work for me when contact is necessary.
Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to devalue and discard while supplying yourself is a crucial read for your family’s mental health.
Narcissistic Mother or toxic ex spouse
If your manipulative former spouse suggests to ”not go through court” I recommend you do not agree to this.
If you are absolutely sure you are dealing with narcissism or any disorder of this level, I highly suggest you do not take this tempting offer.
It’s understandable you want this person to get better. However, people also also forget how cold a Narcissist can be. If you want your child’s mental health to be stable you need to read this vital information.
With that being said, Narcissist parenting is exhausting. However, I am now in a comfortable place to share my experiences of what you should do, and absolutely should not do.
What if you don’t have a court agreement?
A family must be completely civil towards each other and have a huge amount of trust in each other if an agreement is not through court.
This is because:
- The abuser can move far enough away to alienate you.
- Completely disappear without police enforcement
- Start a court order in a different province where you don’t exist
- If you are a Father: a false allegation can have you arrested much easier as opposed to having an official order. This is simply because, without a court order, the Father doesn’t matter
The abuser will go for retroactive child support for any amount, at any time. It is irrelevant to the fact you, ”agreed” to an amount that you paid to her.
The judge could look at that as a ”gift” to them.
Information about your child will be harder to receive as court documents about a child will always be taken into consideration.
Of course, I will explain further below when it was soon shown to me that court documents won’t even matter in a complex battle between parents and third parties.
A legal court agreement with a narcissistic Mother
Celebrations begin because you think you finally ”beat the system” or ”beat the Narcissist” than you are in for a reality check.
Brace yourself, it’s going to hurt. The abuse will begin to layer on top of more abuse, and you will begin to understand the real battered meaning.
Backlash from the narcissistic Mother
The following things will suddenly happen to purposely throw you off:
- You are going to see malicious narcissistic rage at its highest form. How dare you ”make them look bad” or ”get what you want” You can prevent the exaggerated rage by not inflicting narcissistic injury
- You are going to see the person you once knew, and they might even apologize; a relief that the family can finally put themselves back together
50% of the parents that I have helped in the family court felt the narcissist rage. The other 50% had their family back together. This is not a statistic I found off of google, these are my statistics as of right now.
100% of them came back to me asking for help within a year and only a few of them listened to me when I gave them my advice. Straight forward advice from my experience.
I believe that a narcissistic Mother is just who they are now, and you must accept that fact. They are geniuses at what they do, and I back my statement up even more now. Move on
A narcissistic Mother will get their ”fuel” from an ex-spouse with ease in family court. The child at this point is in a dangerous position. You do not want to fall deep into this sadistic trap of ”parent vs parent” circus at family court.
It’s a true fact: shared parenting has been the outcome of more family cases as of late. Unfortunately, the genius, and hidden narcissistic personality disorder has once again crashed the party
A narcissistic Mother will use a 50/50 shared agreement against you in a million ways. They have perfected subtle parental alienation to cause damage behind the scenes.
I have had every single narcissistic manipulation against me in court. I will start with the most lethal way as it has ruined too many involved parents, and I myself lost parenting time because of the unforgiving “Ex Parte” order.
Ex parte order (with or without a court order)
I have been a victim of this malicious order myself. It is highly abused. Of course, it will be used by a narcissistic Mother to alienate the other parent as it is a one sided order that can have you arrested and charged without notice.
These orders by definition are ‘without notice’ orders. This means that your spouse will have no idea that you are going to Court to get an order against them. Many spouses take advantage of this procedure because they know their ex does not know about them and cannot defend against them.
You may have this order against you right now. If you even slightly think you may, don’t contact the ex spouse. With that being said, you must protect yourself from being a victim to such an unconstitutional order.
Here are the most important things to note :
- Any female can get this order just by showing any sort of ”fear” to a judge.
- A judge almost always signs this order. Why? because a narcissistic Mother is a good actor, but how hard can it really be?
- If you contact the abuser directly or indirectly in any way you will have a warrant out for your arrest. Don’t bother with your proof until you prove your innocence months later, once released.
- Get a criminal lawyer immediately.
Further narcissistic Mother court trouble
Manipulations, tantrums, and childish acts never end. You must identify your nightmare as it is the only way to protect yourself from completely losing your mind, and ultimately losing your children.
It is best to just get used to the games that will be played to get a rise out of you. For example:
- Showing up to drop off the child late
- Not showing up with the child at drop off at all
- Court harassment (excessive applications with short notice)
- Financial abuse
- False allegations
- Child care providers may help alienate you from being involved with your children.
- This is where I first learned about the complex narcissistic triangulation. It was not a happy time for myself or my daughter.
- Daycare will likely side with the abuser, as they have been brainwashed behind your back for a long time.
- Child care providers will also not follow court orders, regardless of any court order. They may abuse your child behind closed doors, just because they can. A circle of applications is what you will find yourself in, as you quietly are pushed out of the duties for your children.
- Not answering emails, texts, or any message regarding your children
If you are not receiving a response after two emails, texts, or phone calls then stop and file court papers. Three or more messages will be turned on you as, ”harassment” and if they have a lawyer they will join in on the bullying.
All these abusive tactics may cause you to wonder how to get narcissist revenge, but it is important you keep your cool. Document everything, and gradually rise to a 50/50 agreement. This will be your time to strike on the abuse, as you will have a footprint as a Father in the system.
Protecting your children when the court is not helping
Everything mentioned I have personally been through. False allegations resulting in criminal charges, I took a child care provider to court for abuse and neglect, and alienation was attempted on me from all angles.
I made a lot of mistakes on the journey to bring my daughter home, but she is finally home. After protecting my daughter from all the abusive narcissistic Mother personalities, our bond is so much bigger.
I can finally thank my chosen Narcissist for something. Just kidding, why would I want to feed the abuse? I learned a long time ago that my child’s Mother will not change. Your female narcissist friend won’t change either.
Patience and understanding this disorder is crucial for my daughter to learn how to protect herself from her own flesh and blood.
I was able to do it while she had no voice, and I hope you can take this information and save your children from abuse as well.