The pattern of the narcissistic abuse cycle
A relationship with a Narcissist will begin as the honeymoon phase where you will believe you have found your soulmate. Unfortunately, the good sex and love-bombing will slowly deplete as the realization comes that you are stuck in a narcissistic abuse cycle.
You will likely have gone through many narcissistic abuse recovery attempts with cycles of abuse before you finally get out of the sadistic spell of denial that has been maliciously planned by your former spouse’s gaslighting.
Promises of a future together, your mutual likes and dislikes and a similar childhood between the two of you might seem like it’s too good to be true.
Let me be the first to tell you…
This is all just an image of themselves that is painted perfectly just for you. It’s all used to lure you in for a big kick in the arse.
It’s not personal. If it wasn’t you, it would be a picture painted for somebody else’s likes and dislikes.
Unfortunately, you got yourself sucked into the nasty void of a good for nothing Narcissist, didn’t you?
Much like the narcissistic rage cycle that is at the end stages, it’s frightening to see and it all comes together as an abusive pattern.
In my experience, my co-parenting nightmare used many of the same tactics that we shared various things in common such as:
- Childhood experiences
- Starting a family
We have nothing in common. The mask that was put on was played so well, I still have a hard time believing she was able to play such a good game at luring me in with lies.
I eventually took the proper steps on how to deal with narcissism without the backlash.
Having a child was her best way of taking tiny jabs at me for life, and I can tell you she did not want to have a child. The child is nothing more than a negotiating tool and a source of fuel to keep her going.
If you have a child, I am so sorry. I know people that have children with a narc, and their children are in danger. So, if you have a child and your with a narc, or you’ve been with a narc, Run, run and hide and protect yourself, protect your child because it’s hard enough for the adult that I watched in Youtube to have had this experience but to me I think its the children that I hear more, more and more stories of how their parents turned them into something for the rest of their lives.
With that being said, here are the stages of a narcissistic abuse cycle that comes in every relationship with a Narcissist.
Idealize stage of narcissistic abuse
The very first stage to becoming a victim of the narcissistic abuse cycle, and it’s very hard to see it at first. This is especially true depending on the type of narcissist you are dealing with.
Besides love-bombing and great sex, here are some more typical red flags and sayings of being idealized in a toxic relationship:
- We have so much in common
- Same aspirations
- You are the most beautiful
- You are nothing like my exes
- I got treated badly by my exes as well
- We are soul mates
- I don’t know what I would do without you
Keep in mind that these do not automatically make yourself in a narcissistic abuse relationship, but these terms will be used on you numerous times.
You will have to take a step back and look at the true intentions of this person.
It’s very easy to believe you have found the one, but it’s a lot harder to recover from the painful experience from narcissistic abuse syndrome
You were picked by this soul-sucking leech because you had empathy and compassion, and a Narcissist needs this on the daily.
It’s important to look at their past victims, the poor exes they talked so badly about might not be so evil.
Devalue stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle
The second stage is when it seems to knock you off guard, and your mind can’t fully understand what is happening. This is because you are just coming out of the extasy stage of an amazing relationship.
You will be hit hard, but not quite as hard as the next stage. Devaluing in a relationship can take many different forms so it’s hard to point exactly how it will be done to you.
With that being said, it always starts as a little joke here and there but will then gain momentum and come full swing.
Nonetheless, here are the common things that will happen in the devalue stage:
- sex comes to a halt
- blame game
- everything you do irritates them
- things you used to enjoy they hate
- attention and admiration is gone
- not invited to events
- they become cold and distant
These will all come slowly, and you will be hesitant to react to it.
By now, they have already brainwashed you into thinking this is normal and/or it is because of something you have done.
The final, coldest stage of them all is up next
Discard in the narcissistic abuse cycle
The final stage in this toxic relationship cycle is when you are discarded by the Narcissist. Thrown out. Ditched
You will suddenly be tossed away like you never existed, and this is the part that some people don’t even recover from.
Because of the emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs your brain just can’t understand the concept of reality.
You will be begging for them back because you thought that they were the only one for you.
Unfortunately, they are long gone. They were over you a while ago, and you are now at the perfect place for the Narcissist..on your hands and knees as they have already jumped onto their next victim for narcissistic supply.
They are bored with you, and you have given them all that they needed. It was never about you, it has always been about them.
At last, here are the common things to see in a cold discard in a narcissistic abuse cycle:
- lying about having a new boyfriend/girlfriend
- abusive triangulation
- showing off their new supply
- smear campaigns against you
- hiding their phone messages
- silent treatment
- the mask completely comes off showing you who they are
- parental alienation
Being discarded is one of the coldest moments you will likely experience in your life, and it can change you for the worst or the better.
Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t even realize that they were abused and don’t ever end up recovering.
Narcissistic abuse recovery
Recovering from a narcissistic abuse cycle is not easy, and the scars can be so subtle that your friends and family might shrug you off.
People will be sick of hearing you talk about it to the point you will once again start thinking you are going crazy.
This means the Narcissist still has a stronghold on your mental health.
It’s better to recover now instead of later because I have seen the strongest minds fall to this torture.
The best thing to realize is that it happened to you because of the empathy you have. Don’t let a Narcissist take this from you.
Instead, kill them with kindness.
Let them go, they are dead to you as you are to them. Every moment you think about them, think about the real person they are and turn it into a positive.
I guarantee with a little practice you will never fall victim to another Narcissist, and your next partner will be the one you imagined once upon a time…
Instead, they will be the real thing.
I know it will be tough to love again, but take it slow. Take your time and observe people so you never get caught in the narcissistic abuse cycle again.
Over time you will be back to yourself and become picky about who treats you like you should be treated.
Don’t stay in denial. Spread the word about your experiences and be happy you got away because the trails of victims from a Narcissist is heartbreaking.
What doesn’t kill you makes you 1000x times stronger.