The chaos of co parenting with a Narcissist is real
First, Narcissist parenting is an emotional roller coaster. Self involvement is all over a shared parenting custody agreement so be ready for extra power trips and temper tantrums. With that being said, the faster you realize you are the only one that loves your children as parents, the better off your whole family is.
Malicious ex spouses go to every degree of fake love and even though you unmasked the demon for your own peace of mind, you better believe your children are already entangled in a web of lies from narcissist parenting. If they aren’t already, they are real close as to being the new source of narcissistic supply.
In my personal experience with a female psychopath, our daughter became a punching bag and a “chore” shortly after I decided to get revenge on a Narcissist. I inflicted narcissistic injury and was not feeding the usual supply that was being pulled out of me all those years.
Narcissistic rage in court caused the mask of fake love to come off, but our daughter still wouldn’t and couldn’t accept the fact her loving Mother is just not so loving anymore. Be prepared for this with narcissist parenting as it happens very quickly.
Co parenting with a Narcissist will drive you crazy
Secondly, if you are in a court ordered split “guardianship” (custody) agreement, don’t think for a second those orders will always be followed or even enforced. Delusional mindsets in a Narcissistic ex spouse are quite very much the same.
Narcissist parenting involves you doing your homework on naturally letting your ex spouse know your boundaries, without actually letting them know. Not doing this properly could leave you with narcissistic abuse syndrome, and recovering from this is extremely hard to do.
A narcissistic parent will do the following things to their ex spouse to cause destruction:
- Paint a bad image of you at the children’s school and / or daycare
- Remove you from receiving injury reports about the child, and information about people who are authorized to pick up the child.
These two things often go unnoticed until you actually try to receive these reports. A shared agreement in court will do nothing for you, as daycare and schools are protected when the narcissistic parent claims it is a, “safety” issue for themselves and the child.
Furthermore, a spiteful ex spouse will also:
- not involve you in children’s activities (swimming lessons, dance class etc)
- brainwash the child to dislike any activities you do with them
- have the child call a new partner “mommy” or “daddy” as a way to alienate you (NOTE: this is assuming the child did not naturally do this themselves, but I am sick of people trying to sugarcoat a situation to me. Narcissistic parents are are very smart as to not show their abusive nature to their children)
- refuse to drop children off as per a court order. A common “victim” and “fearful” tactic will always be used. For example:
The children were frightened to go to their Fathers house, I made a decision on the fact that they were scared and I have to protect the children
This will quickly open a ministry file that must be investigated. Chances are likely you will have lost time with your children until the file is closed which can take many months. This is a common tactic with narcissist parenting as parental alienation
How to co parent with a Narcissist
It is virtually impossible to truly co-parent with someone who has no understanding of teamwork. Instead, you need to focus on co-parenting in spite of a narcissist, with an emphasis on insulating yourself and your children from the narcissist’s manipulation and rage.
Indeed, the best way to co parent with a Narcissist is with the Gray Rock Method. From my experience, it has minimized a lot of abuse on our daughter that I unknowingly fed into.
Your number one priority should be your children. Now that your ex spouse’s true self has been revealed to you, it’s time to protect your children from the abuse as well. If you are not careful, your child will continue the cycle of being raised by narcissists; you will be part of the growing problem instead of the solution
Child abuse can be extremely subtle, and even turned onto the innocent parent. I have been to court with too many applications only to have it turned around and suddenly I am on the defense. Don’t waste your time on a system that will ignore child abuse and mental disorders for the greed of money and control.
Don’t let the narcissistic parent make you “them”
I ignored a lot of the bad talk I heard about me from my ex spouse, but my daughter was fed a lot of lies and heard nothing from me. I figured this was the best thing to do. However, she started to not believe certain things I told her.
My daughter told me her Mother doesn’t smoke because “good people don’t smoke” and as petty as it might sound, I insisted that her Mother smokes and she didn’t still believe a word I said. This is frustrating, as I realized my daughter is following her Mother’s footsteps. Not on my watch.
When I dropped her off I was sure to drive by the pillar her Mother quickly smokes by before picking up our daughter. The look on my daughter’s face was priceless, and she believes every word I say now.
With that being said, here are ways to protect your children from narcissist parenting and the sadistic abuse:
- You cannot ignore the abusive parent’s actions and words against you. Don’t bash the other parent, but you have to find a way to make them see the manipulations and fake love.
- Show empathy to everybody. Hold doors open for people, throw that homeless person some change. You will be amazed how much your children follow the good feeling of empathy.
- Listen to your children. Everything. Children talk in short sentences and sometimes they just want somebody to listen to them.
- Prepare them for the discard phase of narcissist parenting, this can absolutely ruin them. This is all your ex spouse wants because if they can’t ruin you, they will definitely ruin the little people that make your life complete.
At last, nobody wants to co parent with a Narcissist. However, in order for us to create a better world and have our children grow up and be the best parents they can be, we have to sacrifice every ounce of energy for them. In my opinion, the smile on my daughter every time she comes to me is worth it. Never give up.